The Kind of Power I Actually Want
Power that must be taken is weak.
Power that is offered freely is something else entirely.
For a long time, I misunderstood what dominance meant.
Like many people, I initially thought it had something to do with control. With authority. With being the person who decides what happens and expects others to follow.
But the more I’ve lived, the more that definition has started to feel… crude. Simplistic. The kind of understanding you have before you’ve actually seen how human relationships work.
Real power doesn’t come from forcing someone into position.
Real power is when someone strong enough to stand on their own chooses, deliberately, to stand with you instead.
The difference is enormous.
Control can be imposed. Respect cannot.
You can make someone comply through pressure, obligation, fear, or manipulation. History is full of examples of that kind of authority. But compliance is not the same thing as loyalty, and it is certainly not the same thing as trust.
Trust requires freedom.
If someone cannot walk away, then staying means nothing.
What I’ve realized is that the kind of leadership I respect—and the kind I want to embody—doesn’t demand submission. It creates the conditions where it can be offered.
That’s a completely different posture.
It means listening more than commanding. Understanding before directing. Earning influence instead of assuming it.
The paradox is that people are far more willing to follow someone who never insists on being followed.
When someone feels safe, seen, and respected, something remarkable happens. They begin to align themselves voluntarily. Not because they were pushed there, but because the direction feels right.
That kind of dynamic is deeply collaborative.
Even when one person leads, the other is not diminished. In fact, their strength becomes part of the structure. Their intelligence, their agency, their willingness all contribute to the relationship’s shape.
Which is why voluntary submission is not weakness.
It’s an act of confidence.
It means someone strong enough to resist is choosing not to.
And that’s the only kind of power that has ever really interested me.
Not the kind that forces people to kneel.
The kind that makes them feel safe enough to consider it.